Vote for One Baby!

3 months into bringing up Tashvi, my wife and I are thinking whether we should go for a second baby. Unlike my wife who grew up adoring her sisters, I was born a lone child. But I loved every moment of it!! One could argue - What would I know in any case, growing up without a sibling? I couldn't care less; I had all the attention of my parents, and to a great extent that of my grandparents, uncles, aunts and so forth. For me, there can be nothing more natural than being a lone child.

A good number of people I know don't think the way I do. In fact, some felt sorry for me, as though being a lone child was the equivalent of being handicapped. Some argue that a sibling helps you truly understand how to share and ease into being part of the bigger world outside. Some others argue that in every phase of life, it helps to have a sibling for company, someone you could always count on. Still some others argue that it is a safety net for parents, since if God forbid they lose one child, there's always the second or third one.

My personal thoughts on each:

Thought Set # 1
True, lone children can take a while adjusting to the world outside home. Not having a sibling can be a lost opportunity towards worldly education. I think from my personal experience, that the gap can be worked towards, and is not nearly as hapless as it sounds. You can see a physically handicapped person from a distance, you can't see a lone child when you see a stranger.

Thought Set # 2
Company of siblings - it's actually a mixed bag; it depends on whether you want the company of siblings in the first place. I like to think of siblings as an intrusion into "my space" - both my physical space and my decision space. I have grown up to be extremely independent. I grew up knowing how to play chess, carrom, cricket, and cards, all by myself. I simply played on behalf of my opponent as well as myself. For carrom, I had to go across and sit on the opposite side after every shot. For cricket, I had the stumps when I had to bowl, and the wall when I had to bat (throw the ball fiercely at the wall and it becomes a bowler). For cards, I had to put the 13 rummy cards down after every move. Chess was the easiest - I didn't have to move an inch. The downside - I don't think I mastered any of those games.

Let's set playtime aside, I almost always make most of my personal decisions in that most derided of words in business - "isolation". I might consult a friend or two, but it is invariably my decision in the end. The slightest bit of pushing and prodding from a friend whose counsel I am seeking, and he'll never know for the rest of his life that he is out of favor *forever*, as far as seeking his counsel is concerned. How dare he nudge me! Predictably, it hasn't been perfect decision-making in my life. I'll leave the bad decisions in my life aside (not that I've come to regret any in a large sense), I'll talk about my Top-5 life-changing decisions all of which (except the first and the fourth) I credit myself for.

(1) Being born to my parents (credit to the Almighty!)
(2) Choosing to study Engineering over Medicine
(3) Choosing to do my MBA despite the astronomical costs
(4) Marrying my wife (Ok! she takes the credit for this too)
(5) Not buying a home (*life changing because of the $ amount involved*)

I've always loooooved the fact that I am at peace with myself for having nobody but myself to credit (or blame) for most things that have happened in my life. Now who wants the company of siblings to encroach upon my physical space OR decision space? Not me.

Thought Set # 3
Safety net in case one child is lost to fate - I know of a few children that have passed away even before they could hit their teens. I have also heard of enough young men and women passing away prematurely. But that's not even approximately 1% of the people I know. In fact, per the Disaster Center statistics the chances of a person passing away before the age of 44 years is 0.3%! That's why I am not sold on the argument of "safety net" yet. I seem to always want to compare statistics on road accidents, or heart attacks that seem far more prevalent than a son or daughter passing away prematurely. Further on that argument, who knows how kids of today will treat their elders? I haven't set a great example myself, choosing to live half the world away from parents who have nobody but me to call their child. If anything, I have the comfort of knowing there's isn't anyone else besides me for them. In case I had a sibling with a nature similar to mine, my parents could rest assured they'd have fallen between the cracks! So much for the hardship of bringing up a child! Ask my parents, they'll know but won't tell you.

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After my rebuttal above of the key arguments for 2 or more children, now to some thoughts on why it's good to have a lone child - as a parent. The one that stands out most is *affordability*. We are not in biblical times that affordability just means having food, shelter and clothing. I would define affordability for a parent as one where the freedom of choice for the child isn't curtailed. The freedom I speak of is not merely material comforts, but more importantly the freedom for the parent and the child to pursue careers of their choice without worrying too much about the financial position of the family.

My definition of affordability above has been hugely influenced by that one thing that my parents couldn't afford for me - the same freedom of choice in my career. I don't blame them, and in fact would like to thank them for instilling in me the respect for the Math and Science disciplines, that provides for me the comfortable life I currently have. I could have been a I-don't-really-know-what had I the opportunity to do so - maybe in music or literature or history, I swear I don't know; never let my youthful mind drift far enough in the direction of identifying it.

So, treading the path of the billions of parents before me, I hope to *afford* for my child what my parents couldn't afford for me - the freedom of choice in a career. Perhaps my wife and I could *afford* two children per my definition above, but why make it so hard on ourselves? As it is, affording for one child itself would be an endless.. and in the end, a mindless pursuit. People not only work hard, but could even beg, borrow and steal for their children. I only want to pursue my chosen career and call it quits when I want to - without that ever affecting my ability to afford my child. I hope that makes it a mindful pursuit; but does it?

On that abrupt note, here I vote for One Baby!

p.s: Even if my daughter were to complain all her life (and that's a big "if") that she didn't have a brother or sister to play with, I'll bet on my life's savings she'll thank me on my deathbed .. if she chooses to make it in the first place! :-)

Disclaimer: No, I refused the Chinese government's offer to fund my website considering I was promoting the One Baby concept. Nice of them to offer though.